So much sleep!

I fell asleep at about 10 p.m. last night. It was incredible. I have not gone to bed that early in a very long time (years?). Had only slept 1 hour the night before, so that might have had something to do with it. Anyway, I got about 13 hours of sleep. There are no words to really describe how awesome it was. I woke up around 6:30 feeling pretty ready to get up, but I didn't. Would be so silly to wake up at 6:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning! Slept for 5 hours after that. I could probably sleep for a whole day straight. Is that normal? :)

So...I need a job! I have no structure to my life which isn't great. Next week will be the week of job hunting/resume updating. I'm thinking I might try to get a job in Chicago - at least for the summer. I'll see where things go from there.

Today I will use my brand stinkin new running shoes! Did I mention this already? I don't know. I got new shoes. They cost a little more than I'd normally spend, but I thought it was a good investment, and maybe it would help motivate me to continue running/exercising. I actually bought the shoes about a week ago, but the weather has been so shitty that I haven't used 'em yet. Today is the day!

Your eyes are either gray or blue, I'm never close enough to say

"And I can't keep starin' at your mouth without wondering how it tastes"

Jack

I love my baby ex roommate.

"Leah, I am crouching down to show you how cute I am in my little vest and man clothes. I am maybe pooping right now also."

I try to persuade him to give me back my special matching purse. But he thinks it looks good with his outfit. I have to agree.

While walking into the bathroom I stumble upon a drunk and naked baby stepping out of the shower!

Jack realizes that Leo dies at the end of Titanic.

Subliminal Messaging

Facebook REALLY wants me to be dating women. And go on vacation with them.
This is a screen shot I took of the ad bar.

What a day

Today was a day of magic and weird/new things happening all over the place!

Had a much needed conversation with someone. Very cathartic, but very good.
Got stood up by a Craigslist-er who wanted to buy some of my crap :( I could have used that $45 this weekend...
Babysat the little Bailey nugget! Lots of fun and baby noises. Practiced my peek-a-boo skills like a boss.
Was asked to appear in court as a witness for someone.
Was asked by Jasmine for help planning Sunny's wedding shower.
Aaaaaand another interesting thing happened that will be discussed at a later date.

Also, 30 Rock this week was SO WEIRD. It made me feel stoned just watching it. Last week was friggin hilarious, but this week was ridiculous.

That tegan and sara video that i posted earlier - awesome. good job, me.

love this

what rushes into my heart and my skull i can't control

my best horoscope?

Poured a glass of water on my laptop :( Letting it dry out this weekend before i turn it back on. Fingers crossed she pulls through!

Woop!

Yesterday was my mom's birthday so I tried to be a good daughter. Her friends took her out to breakfast and then golfing so she was gone for a good part of the day. She is kind of a weirdo though, and for her birthday she wanted me to help her clean the garage. We did it. There were several unpleasant spider-related situations, but we worked through it.

She & I went out for dinner last night. Sat next to a couple who only said 3 things to each other for the whole hour that we were there sitting by them. It was so weird. I'm glad my mom noticed it, because as soon as I got in the car I said, "what was up with those weirdos next to us??" and she said, "I KNOOOOOW!". We had a good chuckle. Seriously, these people just sat in silence the whole time they were eating their food. The only thing they talked about was their food. The wife would occasionally ask if he liked his food. He would say yes. This happened 3 times.

After dinner we went the casino. My mom is so frugal, and brings the smallest amount of money, but she seems to like it there. Of course I do too! For some reason she gave me $50 to spend. AND I ended up winning $200 in one hand of 3 card poker. Most people are really cool when they win. Not me. I was all giddy and happy and trying not to do a seated victory dance (but I did it anyway). Ahhh the joys of gambling. The casino probably would have liked it if I had continued to play after that, but I cashed in my chips and left shortly after the win. Big pimpin.

Success!

It's been one week since I last smoked. I'm a little proud I guess, but it still sucks. It's frustrating to do something so difficult that doesn't have any immediate rewards. Oh well - I'll keep it up.

Reminiscing

Let's take a Kelly Clarkson trip down memory lane. No, this isn't weird at all.

It begins: Sunny buys Kelly tickets, Leah wins meet & greet passes. Winning!

Meet/Greet!

She appears. We listen and cheer.

Wins tickets to see Kelly in Wisconsin, what!? Winning again!

Sings. Holds Microphone stand.

She's so dramatic sometimes. Classic!

I point! There is Kelly! I have snuck up to the front row.

We meet again in Chi town. Casual.

Maybe i'm not ready to be out in public yet. I said a pretty rude thing to some people i just met. Fail. Hopefully they forget. I chewed up 12 straws tonight.

It does

Time

Feeling a bit lonely tonight. Introspective, sorry for myself, whatever you want to call it.

Went through lots of pictures on my computer tonight, maybe that's what brought it on.

Read through the blog of an old friend.

I could use a smoke.

Kinda seems like I'm in a rut. The longer I stay in it the more impossible it seems to get out.

place I'd like to be right now

(...with this girl)

Maybe

I think that today is slightly better than yesterday, and the day before.
For the whole 45 minutes that I was watching Law & Order I forgot about cigarettes.
And instead of snapping at my mother for no good reason, I meditated.
I'm pretty sure I can do this.

As discussed with Erica yesterday, I think I need to wear a big sign that says "I'm sorry". Because I've been a real bitch these last few days. It's kind of like really intense PMSing non stop. The worst is that my mom doesn't even know any of this is going on, so she just thinks I suck for no reason.

If I make it a week with no smoking I'm going to do something nice for myself. I don't know what yet. Ideas?



*edit: just kidding, i am going to kill my mom.

60 hours.

Indoor s'more time. Because i'm a human who is sad and wants nicotine. Looking for a substitute.

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Fuuuuck

When smokers try to cut back or quit, the lack of nicotine leads to withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal is both physical and mental. Physically, the body reacts to the absence of nicotine. Mentally, the smoker is faced with giving up a habit, which calls for a major change in behavior. Both the physical and mental factors must be addressed for the quitting process to work.

Those who have smoked regularly for a few weeks or longer, and suddenly stop using tobacco or greatly reduce the amount smoked, will have withdrawal symptoms. Symptoms usually start within a few hours of the last cigarette and peak about 2 to 3 days later when most of the nicotine and its by-products are out of the body. Withdrawal symptoms can last for a few days to up to several weeks. They will get better every day that you stay smoke-free.

Withdrawal symptoms can include any of the following:
Bold ones=Leah :(

• Dizziness (which may only last 1 to 2 days after quitting)
• Depression
• Restlessness or boredom
• Headaches
• Tiredness
• Increased appetite
• Weight gain
• Irritability
• Sleep disturbances, including having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, and having bad dreams or even nightmares
• Constipation and gas
• Trouble concentrating
• Cough, dry mouth, sore throat, and nasal drip
• Chest tightness
• Slower heart rate
• Feelings of frustration, impatience, and anger
• Anxiety

jerbaderb

MUCH HAS HAPPENED!

I am done with my road trip - having good and bad feelings about that.
The trip was spectacular and I loved seeing new places/meeting new people/seeing people I haven't seen for a while/driving/etc. I think it was everything that I wanted it to be. An adventure :)

This weekend was a success as well! Had a surprise bday party for my mom and had about 20 family members come into town for it. She was super surprised, and it was awesome. The whole weekend was a pile of games, playing outside, drinking, making/eating lots of food, and other jovial activities. But now everyone is gone! This means lots of cleanup. Also, tonight will be the first night I am going to sleep in my bed in about a month. I'm strangely excited.

smoking.
April 1 was my chosen "quit date". Went to the doctor before my road trip, told her I want to not smoke anymore, but I struggle to do that on my own. So I'm taking Wellbutrin (generic-Bupropion) to help. Not supposed to drink very much alcohol while on this drug, so I didn't start taking it this weekend. On the 1st I smoked 2 cigarettes in the morning while I drove home from Michigan. I justified it by thinking that the night before was my last night, but I accidentally fell asleep early before enjoying my last couple of cigarettes. Didn't smoke at all til Saturday evening when my cousin busted out some vanilla clove cigars/cigarettes while we were all playing bags outside. I caved. I had a few that night. My lungs hurt so badly the next day. Yesterday - didn't smoke.

Woke up today wanting to smoke. Nobody is here to distract me. I have bitten off all of my nails. Drinking coffee at the moment.

I'm afraid to leave my house for the next couple of weeks because I'll want to smoke at all the times I usually do. Like while I'm driving, or if I'm hanging out with friends, or drinking. And now the weather is starting to get warm so sitting outside on a warm night hanging out, drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette sounds AMAZING. I need to come up with a new/healthy habit or hobby to replace that one. These are Betsy's suggestions: drawing, painting, ceramics, running, power lifting, jazzercise, volunteering, cleaning, eating celery, needle point, mushroom hunting, or drug dealing. Some things to think about.

Hm, okay. Tons of shit to do today. Gonna get on it. While not smoking.

24 hours no cigarettes. Let's see if i can make it the whole weekend. Yikes!

Last bit of my trip- Driving back home now. I've been mia for the last week due to canada and michigan. Beautiful driving day :)