Living alone

I can't take much more of this living with my family thing. I'm 25 and I think it's pretty normal for me not to want to live at home anymore. Woke up around 10:30 this morning, went downstairs, and was pleasantly surprised to find nobody around. Unfortunately, people were around - I just couldn't see them right away. Reed was still in bed. My mom was outside. I attempted to suckle in the peace and quiet for a short time. Made (and ruined) some oatmeal. Drank some juice. Checked my emails/facebook. You know, the usual morning activities of an unemployed person.

Anyway, the point of this story is that living with my mom is so fucking stressful. She is certainly not mean or rude in anyway. She just has a lot of energy and can't be still. I don't like this. Sometimes it is okay to just chill out, relax, and not worry about things. My mom doesn't understand that. I guess it is a personality thing. As soon as she came in from outside I was bombarded with conversation that I didn't want to participate in. How was the job interview? What was the company? Where can I buy disposable customizable cups? Where is the music festival that you're going to this weekend? How far is that from Springfield? Are you doing anything today? Do you want to help clean out the basement? What should we have for dinner?

This was just the tip of the iceberg. There were follow up questions to all of these, and side comments, and unfinished sentences that made no sense. I finished my oatmeal and returned to my bedroom. I don't like to do this because I feel like I get stuck here. I just like to be alone sometimes. And I like to enjoy some quiet time, without worrying about a thousand things. I do enough worrying in my head that if I can have some time where I don't think about stuff it just feels really good.

The 1st time I slept over at Stacey and Stu's apartment, I remember waking up on the futon - they were still in bed, and it was around noon. I cuddled with Dean for a while, and they came in, turned some music on, and made coffee and breakfast. It was all just really lovely. I didn't fill up with my usual morning anxiety which was incredible. I wonder if I lived alone what things would be like. Damn I just rambled about a lot crap. My apologies.

Cup in mouth face

This is a special tradition in my family. And by tradition I just mean a thing that Reed & I do because we think it's funny.

"Cup in mouth face"

My friend

Amanda/me. I'm the one with glasses and square jaw.

Job Interview

That's right, I have my first of hopefully many job interviews today. I heard back from a couple of the places that I applied to which is kind of exciting. The jobs are probably not extremely ideal, but at least I'll be going out and interviewing/being proactive.

My dad is such a dick.

This is me and justin b

Movie

Does anyone want to see Bridesmaids with me? I keep hearing that I would like it.

Tomorrow I'm driving out to Elgin to see JD - a friend from high school who I haven't seen in years. Pretty excited about it :)

I rode a horse on Thursday and told some young girls that my horses name was Justin Bieber. They liked that.

The world as we know it is ending at 6 pm...be prepared.

I need to get a hair cut, I see some uncalled for split ends goin on.

I've got a pretty good system for sneaking out to smoke when it's just me & my mom at home. It's a lot harder to do when my dad & brother are here. My dad questions me and hears everything. Reed stays up late.

Everyone seems to have gone to bed...time for a smoke, shower, maybe some reading, then SLEEP. I am damn tired.

i feel it all

Oooh I'll be the one who'll break my heart, I'll be the one to hold the gun. I know more than I knew before.

Potassium

I am eating a HUGE banana. Seriously, it's like 4 bananas in 1. It's totally out of control. I've been working on it for the past 20 minutes now and I still have several bites left. Just taking a breather now.

Things are going pretty okay in my life right now :D I feel pretty healthy emotionally, which is new/unusual. Employment-wise I am struggling. Being unemployed for a long time causes a spiral of shittiness. Especially for someone like me who over-thinks everything and unfortunately lacks motivation.

I have been super busy lately. The non smoking thing isn't going well. I quit quitting. That's how good I am. Fuck I am still not done with this banana! What is happening!?! Never ending potassium!

Here is a picture of me & a polar bear & a snowboard. Note the sexy green polo shirt:

It's Friday, Friday.

Natalie Portman, I like your dress. And full mouth. And I'll take that beer, please.

Tina Fey - love your face!

Nice lineup, pups.

Some beers

Had some beers with an old friend tonight. Was pretty nice.

This past weekend was all sorts of lovely, and I was able to hang out with everyone that I had planned on seeing :) Some pictures:

Betsy thought I was looking particularly majestic, so she took a picture. My hair is dark.

Emo shot of a heart shaped water puddle in a rock outside of Betsy's apt.

Randomly ran into extended family at a restaurant, so we take a really nicely posed picture.

I am a giraffe and felice wants a bite.

Me & my favorite Dean

Whoop

Ahoy

This weekend has all the fixins to be pretty good, and I think it will be :D

Going (for free!) to a Cubs game tomorrow afternoon with Lisa - which could be a little weird, but we'll probably both just not talk about anything uncomfortable and be okay with that. Shopping/dinner with Stacey after the game. Drinks with Amanda after that. Saturday with Sunny & Betsy. Sunday of course is mother's day. And I still have to come up with something nice to do/get for my mother. Hopefully an idea will strike my brain like a lightning bolt at some point during the next couple of days.

Where did this week go?

By the way - my hair turned out WAY darker than expected. Not sure if I like it or not. Maybe after a few more washes it'll tone down a bit.

Okay thank you goodnight.

Thursday times

I am pretty happy at the moment. House to myself. Woke up earlier than usual. Drinking my coffee. Doing laundry. Non moldy bagel for breakfast.

This week has been so strange, but lovely. I bought some boots yesterday which I like very much. Well...they are boot shoes I guess? I don't know. I'm not a boot scientist. Oh and I ran my fastest mile the other day! I felt like vomiting afterwards, and I pretended to stop to stretch when really I was just hyperventilating/trying to catch my breath.

I wonder if I'll be able to do that again today...hmm. I've gotta get out before it rains. I might dye my hair this afternoon! Though I have mixed feelings about it. On one hand, this is the longest I've gone with having my natural hair color since I was about 15 which I kinda like. But then on the other hand this is a pretty boring color I've got going on. Not quite brown not quite blonde - mostly just dirty and confused looking (like your mother). I bought the hair dye yesterday. I'm going darker. It will cover up the grays that I'm actually beginning to feel attached to. I have a love/hate relationship with them.

While writing all of this I decided I should take before and after photos of my hair color. I was initially just going to take one picture, but ended up having a mac style photo shoot alone in my kitchen. I will share:

Turns out I'm a little narcissistic. And also my hair doesn't look quite as disgusting in these pictures as it does in real life. Or maybe you disagree. Anyway, I forgot what I was talking about because I am now distracted by how good I look. I will post the after effects of the hair dye experiment later. Going to run now. Holla.